Kentucky 

Dear Velvet Tarot Column

Dear Velvet 

February 2009

Dear Velvet,

I was dating a guy for a short time and we seemed so in to each other.  But he decided we should only be friends.  He was at least honest to tell me he was going to try to work things out with his ex-girlfriend even though she has not treated him good at all.  Now this guy won't even be around me, and I don't understand why.  I really feel very hurt and confused because I was open to just being friends with him if that is all he wanted.  But he shuts me out now.  So my question is why he seems to want to avoid me if we are supposed to be friends.  It doesn't seem like friends would avoid one another like he avoids me.

Thank you!
Totally Hurt and Confused
 

Dear "Totally Hurt and Confused"

This guy seems to need some time to adjust to the idea of being friends with you after it had become more than just a friendship.  Definitely don't let your heart take this personally with him, because I feel that he will come around and be a better friend to you, rather than to continue avoiding you as he has been.  He seems to really respect you, but I don't think he respects his own choice to be with his ex-girlfriend, especially if that relationship was already problematic in the past.  I find that this guy really does think highly of you, but he has hurt himself to break things off to you in favor of "returning to the past" -- a past that didn't work out then and may not work out now.

This guy needs to develop a better sense of confidence, because I get the impression that you treated him so well -- in a way that he's just not used to.  It's as if he feels he doesn't deserve it, and essentially, he is punishing himself.  This is something he will have to work through himself, but because the Three of Coins shows us that he really does value your friendship in his heart, I think he will see the light of day again to start being comfortable around you again.  It may be awkward at first when he starts trying . . . but patience here can help a lot.  Definitely don't try to force him to change his mind or show him the error of his ways -- because that simply won't help or work.  He needs to make these discoveries on his own, and it may hurt him a lot to do so.  But it's what he'll have to go through to see what he values in his life and how he wishes to prioritize things in his world.

I think this guy still feels an attraction for you, but the two of you likely got together before he was ready for something new -- and the fact that things were so good for the two of you was unexpected for him.  He's probably not had a lot of luck in the way of love in his life, but he seems like a down-to-earth genuine guy who is confused.  Yet once he gets his act together, I think he'll be more on top of his game, understanding what he wants, what he'll put up with, and what he won't stand for.

In the meantime, it's best that you do move forward with your own life and don't let this hold you back.  When the time is right for this guy, he will open up a little more, see the light, and show more willingness to be your friend.  I do see that he has such high respect for you that it bothers him to have hurt you.  He feels you deserve better than him, and in his heart, he knows his choice about going back to the ex was probably not an ideal choice to bring him the happiness that he craves.  Some people have been hurt so much in life that it's really all they know.  It's as if they are attracted to it like a magnet.  Thus, when things felt that they were getting more serious between the two of you, he started getting afraid of it.  It's as if it was "too good to be true" for him, and he backed away.  But I do think, given some time, he will be more open to friendship with you.  His respect for you makes him ashamed of what he has done, and for now, he is avoiding the real issues of his heart, and he is denying himself of the friendship with you that he really does want to have.

Many Blessings!

Velvet Angel