Massachusetts

Dear Velvet Tarot Column

Dear Velvet 

July 2008

My question has to do with trouble in my family with siblings not getting along. It is very hard to deal with. I am hoping tarot can shed some light on this.
Thank you.
Louise

Dear Louise,

Although so many people fear the Death card coming up, it is not an indication of physical death.  So you can rest easy about that!  Death refers to the ending of something significant.  It is like a major change that can be hard to deal with, yet such change also opens up doors to new beginnings and a rebirth of some sort.  In the case of the siblings that are not getting along, there will finally be an ending to these squabbles.  But in the meantime, it can indeed feel very difficult for you.  These siblings, however, are the only ones who can each choose to make changes within themselves.  No one can change them, as it's something they must choose to do on their own.

You may find yourself put "in the middle" of these battles, yet it is better for you to take a step back and let them work it out amongst themselves.  Refuse to take sides, as that only draws you in more than you want to be!

The Death card would offer an important lesson for these siblings -- one that they would regret to learn and acknowledge too late . . . and that is that life is too short to be filled with fighting, hard feelings, and regrets.  From your position, it is better to let go since you cannot control the situation with these siblings.  What you can control, however, is the way you react.  You can choose to be involved or to let yourself be "in the middle" somehow . . . or not.

Perhaps the squabbles among these siblings have to do with a significant change to where they all cannot be in agreement.  An old way of life or an old, familiar situation is changing.  Their resistance to such changes seems to bring out their worst, and while they are fighting the idea of a particular change or some transformation that is taking place, they also tend to fight with each other in the process.  It's like a time of crossroads, and old ways, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors no longer serve a productive or useful purpose in this situation.  These siblings refuse to see that right now . . . but given time, they will.  They stand more chance to lose out on something of value by squabbling with one another.  They stand more chance to live with regrets.  Yet these are hard lessons that they each must learn in the journey of life.

I am sure you would love to be able to somehow step in and fix things and just make everyone happy so that they all get along.  You are watching them say things or do things that you know they will feel badly about one day . . . yet it's not something you have the power to change, Louise -- as much as you would like to, it's better to step back and let them finally work things out on their own.  And maybe when they do see you removing yourself from their battles, it will give them pause to rethink their own behaviors and actions as well.  You can emphasize to all of them that you love each of them, but you choose not to engage in the battles that they are fighting.  They have no choice but to respect that decision . . . and perhaps learn from it as well.

Eventually these are battles that will settle down and find an ending . . . and from those endings, new beginnings can be established.  But it is a hard process in the meantime.  If the choice belonged only to you, you could certainly repair the issues like I know you would love to do.  But it's really up to these siblings to do that.  They are stubborn and resistant, and they are fighting changes and the crossroads they find themselves in.  Only time can help them settle their differences and allow them to see things in a new light -- perhaps in such a way that they come to feel great shame over their behavior.  But in all of that will be the lessons that they are meant to learn in their journeys.

Love and Blessings!

Velvet Angel

October 2008

Dear Velvet Angel,
What does my Dad need in order to be okay and feel better about his life?  Anything to help him feel better and want to stick around with my sister and I . . .

Wendy

Dear Wendy,

Your dad is actually a lot stronger than he thinks.  The Tree of Life portrays a tree with very strong roots and a solid history that just isn't going anywhere anytime soon.  However, the reversal of this card suggests to me that your father needs to more firmly grasp his own strength and to get in touch with his desire to move forward.  The desire is there!

The changing seasons and approaching holidays do seem to be what is hitting him already.  As long as he is reminded that you and your sister are there -- and all of you are FAMILY who are strong together -- this will help soothe him.  I suspect it will be a rough holiday for him -- as it may be for all of you to varying degrees.  But he will be okay.  A lot of this also has to do with the attitudes which he chooses.  We can all get into a rut, but we also pull ourselves out of that emotional rut.  He does need some normal nurturing, but nothing excessive or "over the top."  This energy will be turned around to its upright state according to Faery Wicca card reversals, and that will happen once he decides for himself that he is stronger than he's given himself credit for.  You can tell him he's a strong man and a good man . . . but he has to tell it to himself as well.  And perhaps this holiday season will prove to him that he is strong enough to keep on going.

The name itself of this card -- The Tree of Life -- indicates that your father has much life that he is still meant to live.  The loss of your mother does seem to hang heavily over him, especially at this time of the year.  So these next few months may be especially hard for him with the holidays upon us . . . Thanksgiving next month, and then Christmas and New Year's.  He would probably delight in a little bit of tradition mixed in with something new.  So if you can think of something out of the ordinary to do that your family did not typically do during the holidays, this will give him that "new" element along with hanging on to some part of your holiday traditions.  But try to add in a new element and perhaps even create a tradition from here on out with that new element, too.  This concept of a "new element" could be just about anything.  For example, if you've always put up the Christmas tree in the same place, perhaps try to find a new corner for that tree.  If you've always opened gifts on Christmas day, perhaps have a fun late night on Christmas Eve to open gifts.  These are merely examples to show you that you can incorporate something new and a little bit different into your holiday season this year -- along with some of the same traditions your family has followed.  This should help your father, because it lets him still hang on to the "old" a little bit . . . but also begin to grasp the "new" with some changes added into the mix.

Love and Blessings!

Velvet Angel