Massachusetts

Dear Velvet Tarot Column

Dear Velvet 

July 2008

My question has to do with trouble in my family with siblings not getting along. It is very hard to deal with. I am hoping tarot can shed some light on this.
Thank you.
Louise

Dear Louise,

Although so many people fear the Death card coming up, it is not an indication of physical death.  So you can rest easy about that!  Death refers to the ending of something significant.  It is like a major change that can be hard to deal with, yet such change also opens up doors to new beginnings and a rebirth of some sort.  In the case of the siblings that are not getting along, there will finally be an ending to these squabbles.  But in the meantime, it can indeed feel very difficult for you.  These siblings, however, are the only ones who can each choose to make changes within themselves.  No one can change them, as it's something they must choose to do on their own.

You may find yourself put "in the middle" of these battles, yet it is better for you to take a step back and let them work it out amongst themselves.  Refuse to take sides, as that only draws you in more than you want to be!

The Death card would offer an important lesson for these siblings -- one that they would regret to learn and acknowledge too late . . . and that is that life is too short to be filled with fighting, hard feelings, and regrets.  From your position, it is better to let go since you cannot control the situation with these siblings.  What you can control, however, is the way you react.  You can choose to be involved or to let yourself be "in the middle" somehow . . . or not.

Perhaps the squabbles among these siblings have to do with a significant change to where they all cannot be in agreement.  An old way of life or an old, familiar situation is changing.  Their resistance to such changes seems to bring out their worst, and while they are fighting the idea of a particular change or some transformation that is taking place, they also tend to fight with each other in the process.  It's like a time of crossroads, and old ways, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors no longer serve a productive or useful purpose in this situation.  These siblings refuse to see that right now . . . but given time, they will.  They stand more chance to lose out on something of value by squabbling with one another.  They stand more chance to live with regrets.  Yet these are hard lessons that they each must learn in the journey of life.

I am sure you would love to be able to somehow step in and fix things and just make everyone happy so that they all get along.  You are watching them say things or do things that you know they will feel badly about one day . . . yet it's not something you have the power to change, Louise -- as much as you would like to, it's better to step back and let them finally work things out on their own.  And maybe when they do see you removing yourself from their battles, it will give them pause to rethink their own behaviors and actions as well.  You can emphasize to all of them that you love each of them, but you choose not to engage in the battles that they are fighting.  They have no choice but to respect that decision . . . and perhaps learn from it as well.

Eventually these are battles that will settle down and find an ending . . . and from those endings, new beginnings can be established.  But it is a hard process in the meantime.  If the choice belonged only to you, you could certainly repair the issues like I know you would love to do.  But it's really up to these siblings to do that.  They are stubborn and resistant, and they are fighting changes and the crossroads they find themselves in.  Only time can help them settle their differences and allow them to see things in a new light -- perhaps in such a way that they come to feel great shame over their behavior.  But in all of that will be the lessons that they are meant to learn in their journeys.

Love and Blessings!

Velvet Angel