New Hampshire 

Dear Velvet Tarot Column

Dear Velvet 

October 2009

Dear Velvet,

I was seeing a man for the past eight months (and five of those months, we lived together).  A couple of weeks ago, there was no good-bye kiss when we parted ways for the day.  He had acted really odd the night before, too.  And what I got instead of a good-bye kiss and the normal exchange of "Have a good day, Honey" . . . was "It's over, Lew.  We're done."  Oh you can't know how this hurt me to the core!!!  And when I asked for an explanation from him, he told me that I'm too old for him.  (One blow right after another).  Velvet, I am only 4 years older than this man.  Surely that does not make such a big difference in the age department?

My question for you -- and thank you so much for this reading, Angel -- is why my boyfriend really decided to call it quits in this relationship that seemed to be doing so well.  This totally hit me out of the blue.  I never expected this from him at all.  There was no sign or indication of this coming.  Please help me understand, and thank you, Angel!  I will probably order a more indepth reading from you as well, but this may be a helpful starting point for me.

Lew
 

Dear Lew,

The Reversed Queen of Pentacles gives rise to disappointment in your love life -- something you have seen so abruptly and unexpectedly with your boyfriend.  When Queens come to us reversed, there is often an indication that the other partner feels trapped or smothered.  You may have tried to take care of this man in every way possible -- because you wanted to please him and make him happy.  But over time, it felt more like "mothering" and "smothering" to him than it felt like romantic love.  There was something going on here that made him feel penned in and trapped -- almost smothered as if he had no space and no breathing room in the relationship.

With this reversed Queen being from the suit of Pentacles, this can also give indication of the possibility of money issues that may have been somewhat imbalanced in terms of who was responsible for paying what in the household that you shared with him.  And you have probably experienced some sexual frustrations as well in this relationship -- or at least one of you probably did.  There is a lot going on with Reversed Queen of Pentacles energy, and it just doesn't bode well for a relationship.

By this point, you are probably feeling that you are to blame in the situation or that you did something wrong.  This is not the fault of just one of you, Lew.  Both of you have responsibility in what happened, not just one of you.  Your boyfriend should have tried to communicate his needs and feelings to you a long time ago -- instead of letting his frustration build up to the point that he felt such resentment that he had to leave.  It seems that this did not feel like a "love" relationship to him.  It probably did in the beginning, but moving in together so soon was probably not the wisest choice.  It didn't give you both a chance to really know each other well enough.

His telling you that you were too old for him was a cop out from telling you the truth about what he felt -- that he felt smothered and mothered.  He didn't want to talk to you about the imbalance or inequities that he felt were a problem for the relationship.  So it seems that he thought you were trying to mother him or be like a mother to him instead of a lover.

Chances are, the two of you were a mismatched couple -- perhaps not truly compatible on all the most important levels that two people need to have compatibility for a relationship to work out.  If you look back over the past several months, Lew, you might see how this man might have felt that you were micromanaging everything in his life . . . even though I know you were genuinely trying to be a good and helpful partner to him.  But by doing too much for this man, it seems he wasn't feeling like he had much to contribute to the relationship.  Think back to things and look at where you felt the inequities may have existed, because there may also have been some money issues going on as well that weren't helping things in the relationship either.  At the very least, Lew, even if you and this man don't reunite, perhaps there is something you can learn from this relationship experience that can help you in the future.

Many blessings!

Velvet Angel